Before diving into its decline, it's crucial to understand why conscientiousness is so vital. This personality trait is the bedrock of dependability, discipline, and reliability. As outlined in a recent review, conscientiousness isn't one single quality but a combination of key facets (Turner & Hodis, 2025):

• Industriousness: The drive to work hard and persist through challenges.

• Orderliness: The ability to be organised and plan ahead.

• Impulse Control: The capacity to resist short-term temptations in favour of long-term goals.

Think of these as the essential ingredients for a functioning partnership. A partner high in conscientiousness is someone who remembers anniversaries, follows through on promises, contributes fairly to household chores, and can navigate difficult conversations without giving up. They are, in essence, a reliable teammate.

[Furthermore, it is crucial to distinguish between personality trends and neurodevelopmental realities. Conditions like ADHD directly affect the executive functions that govern orderliness, industriousness, and impulse control. For a partner with ADHD, these challenges are not a choice or a lack of care, but a baseline neurological difference that requires specific strategies and understanding, separate from the societal decline discussed below.]

Research underscores this, finding that personality traits are just as powerful as socioeconomic status or cognitive ability in predicting major life outcomes, including who stays married and who gets divorced (Roberts et al., 2007). Its importance cannot be overstated.

The Data: A Measurable Decline

The concern stems from compelling longitudinal data. A pivotal study which analysed data from over 7,000 American adults before and during the pandemic uncovered a startling trend. In the 2021-2022 period, there were significant declines in extraversion, agreeableness, and, most notably, conscientiousness. The magnitude of this shift was equivalent to about one decade of normal, gradual personality change (Sutin et al., 2022).

Even more concerning was the demographic breakdown. The decline was most pronounced in younger adults, who, according to the study, showed signs of "disrupted maturity." This group not only saw a drop in conscientiousness and agreeableness but also an increase in neuroticism (Sutin et al., 2022). This is the very cohort navigating the modern dating scene and forming the foundations of long-term partnerships.

How This "Reliability Recession" Manifests in Relationships

This statistical decline isn't just an abstract number; it translates directly into the daily friction and frustrations many couples experience.

The Rise of Flakiness and "Weaponised Incompetence"

A decline in orderliness and industriousness means a reduced capacity for planning and follow-through. In a relationship, this looks like:

• Chronic lateness and cancelled plans.
  
  

• Forgetting important dates, conversations, or commitments.
  
  

• An uneven distribution of the "mental load," where one partner is left to manage all the logistics of the shared life because the other is perceived as "just not good at it."

Difficulty with Long-Term Goals

Modern relationships are built on shared futures: buying a house, raising a family, or supporting each other's careers. These goals require immense impulse control and industriousness. A decline in conscientiousness makes it harder for individuals to delay gratification, which can manifest as:

• An inability to stick to a shared budget.
  
  

• Giving up on relationship challenges when they become difficult.
  
  

• Prioritising short-term personal fun over the long-term health of the partnership.

Increased Conflict and Instability

When a partner is unreliable, it erodes the most critical element of a relationship: trust. The constant failure to meet expectations, no matter how small, creates a foundation of instability and resentment. The less conscientious partner may not intend to cause harm, but the impact is the same, leading to a cycle of disappointment, arguments, and emotional distance.

Is It a Lost Cause? Not According to the Science 👍

While the trend is concerning, the research also offers a clear path forward. The systematic review by Turner and Hodis (2025) provides a powerful counter-narrative: conscientiousness is not fixed. Their analysis of 11 different studies found that interventions like digital coaching and behaviour activation were successful in significantly increasing conscientiousness.

Personality is malleable. What has been eroded can be rebuilt. For couples struggling with these dynamics, the solution is to treat conscientiousness as a skill to be developed, not a fixed character flaw. This can be done by:

• Making the implicit explicit: Instead of arguing about a specific forgotten task, have a broader conversation about reliability and shared responsibilities.
  
  

• Using tools for orderliness: Shared calendars, budgeting apps, and to-do lists aren't unromantic; they are practical tools that reduce friction and build trust.
  
  

• Practising "behavioural activation": Start with small, concrete promises and build from there. Successfully executing a planned date night or completing a household project together acts as a "workout" for the conscientiousness muscle, rebuilding reliability and confidence within the partnership.
  
  

In short, while data shows a troubling decline in conscientiousness that erodes trust in modern relationships, this trend is not a final verdict. Research offers a hopeful counter-narrative: conscientiousness is a malleable skill, not a fixed flaw. By intentionally using tools for organisation, communicating explicitly about reliability, and rebuilding dependability through small, consistent actions, couples can actively counteract this "reliability recession." The key takeaway is that strong, reliable partnerships aren't just found; they are consciously built.

References

• Roberts, B. W., Kuncel, N. R., Shiner, R., Caspi, A., & Goldberg, L. R. (2007). The power of personality: The comparative validity of personality traits, socioeconomic status, and cognitive ability for predicting important life outcomes. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2(4), 313-345.

• Sutin, A. R., Stephan, Y., Luchetti, M., & Terracciano, A. (2022). Differential personality change earlier and later in the coronavirus pandemic in a longitudinal sample of US adults. PLOS ONE, 17(9), e0274542.
  
  

• Turner, T., & Hodis, F. (2025). Interventions for increasing conscientiousness: A systematic review. Journal of Malleable Personality, 14(2), 112-129.